Silence of the night

It was so easy for me to blog about other stuff on the group blog but when I start to write for my own I'm lost for words. I just don't know why. I've realized for most of the posts I've made for my personal blogs in the pasts are usually sad things. Perhaps I'm too excited during the times when I feel happy that I don't even bother to put them down anymore.

Well, enough of self-dwelling and time to move on to the post. It's been a long time since I've written. If the idea of the group blog didn't come up between me and kc I guess I won't pick up writing again. The year is coming to an end again and it's Christmas. My favorite time of the year other than Chinese New Year. It gets pretty cold here at Malaysia even though we don't go through winter like the northern and southern hemispheres but we do get the winds and rains though or maybe it's just the mood set up.

Been through a lot this year. Finally got into university, I'm taking Genetics and Molecular Biology in University of Malaya. My mom is already going through treatment for her cancer after getting to know about it the year before. So it's been a year already since treatment. Things were good for awhile during treatment. Her hair starts to grow back and at least I can see some sparks back in her eyes but things took a turn for worse recently. Her condition has worsen and now undergoing a different kind of treatment. The effects of the treatment and her condition is hard for her and for the family. She is a person who can normally stand pain and would try to hide from us as well as she can from the suffering she has. Well most of the time. But this time round, she don't even have the strength to hide it anymore. It is worrying. I can see the fear in her eyes. I've never seen that in her. Perhaps I don't spend time a lot with my family. Only now I've realized that, they are human just like me too. I use to think that parents know it all you know from the experience in life and such. Honestly it didn't occur to me till that moment. It suddenly dawned to me that it's time for me to look after them now. My dad being away now due to his job isn't helping much either. Sometimes I just hope that I can rely on someone and ask their advice and what to do but I guess life isn't just that easy. I'll have to learn to grow up and take up responsibility. Go through life and face it straight in the face. I want to be strong and I'll learn to be strong. The way I'm living now isn't the way I wanted. I will change it for the better.

Thats what I want to do and hope to accomplish next year. The past year and this one, I'm in a phase where I'm not sure of a lot of things. But now I am. I hope I'm truly out of this complacent attitude of mine and ready for the next phase in my life. This is a promise to myself.