Christmas

Christmas is here and gone. So how was Christmas everyone? I hope everyone had a great time. This year's Christmas for me is special. No, I didn't celebrate it with anyone special ... in fact I didn't celebrate with anyone at all. I spent my Christmas alone. It was one of my greatest fears in the past but this time I actually chose to spend it alone. I was at Genting Highlands for Christmas with my family where they had an apartment which we stayed over for 2 nights. It was just the holiday that I wanted. I've wanted to go to Genting to cool off since ages. It's peaceful there for me I don't know why, whenever things came up I would go to Genting to just walk-about and feel the wind and a lot of things have came up for me this year.

So I've finally found some "my-time" something which I think I didn't do for ages. Perhaps I'm being to accustomed with having company around that these days I can't do without company. I guess this is the part of me I'm trying to search over the years. Honestly I feel myself a bit fuller after that Christmas eve night. That Christmas weekend, I've tried my best to not contact my friends if I can and tried to be on my own. There are some friends who still msg-ed me, albeit there are some who forwards messages but there were a few who just text me and ask me what am I doing on Christmas and whether wanna go out or not. I'm really touched by those. =D Although I can't join them in the end but I'm happy to know that at least I crossed their minds even just awhile.

On Christmas eve, I got out on my own and went to the car park at Genting Hotel just to feel the Christmas atmosphere which I've felt during 2004 where I went up with everyone just after SPM. It was a great and fun experience where we ran, played and sprayed everyone we meet but it was not meant to be this time round. It appears that RWB banned the use of spray cannisters at the resort. Even the police is there to confiscate sprays =.= There is also no countdown and no fireworks also but human spirit did not fail ! Some of the revelers partied in their own way. =D Btw the christmas deco up there is really nice !

toys through the window

window close-up

I walked around the carpark and the hotels during that time. Noticed that there are a few guys & girls like me too. Alone. But most of them are with either partners / friends / family. It was a really eye-opening experience.At that moment, the sense of appreciation just suddenly came over me. Watching them makes me wanted to do that so much with my family and friends. Thank you guys for being there for me all the time.

me and my family

me and f6 friends at amos's christmas party

But right now I've realized it's time for me to learn how to be alone again. Well, don't assume to the extreme .. it's not like I'm trying to cut myself away from the world. It's just that, I'm too used to being with people I find it hard to be alone. It's the balance in life that I've been looking hard for. Looking back, without it really I've been out of control. I'm being this needy / clingy friend which is annoying =.= I can be obsessive *sigh*

Speaking of obsession, I think this is one quality of mine which made me scared a lot of friends away. My only regret so far. I hope with this revelation I don't do such mistakes again. With this also I hope I will grow stronger and more matured. I'm already 20 years old .. really time to grow up already.

PS : Wondered how they have grown up into?

genting christmas '04